Your child has recently told you he or she is gay, lesbian, transgendered, or bisexual and you do not know what to do next. As you begin to assess this revelation, you may find yourself flooded with a repetitive series of questions.
- How did this happen?
- Were they born this way?
- Is this something I caused?
- What does all this mean?
- Who can I tell?
- How long has he or she been “this way?”
- Could this be a passing thing?
- Is this a “fad?”
After so many questions pass through your mind, ask yourself, “what am I feeling about this,” because feelings are quite different than thoughts.
Some parents feel stuck between their thoughts and their feelings.
- You love them, no question about that.
- All you want is for your child to be happy.
- You know you will be supportive.
- You will try to say the “right things.”
At the same time, your feelings may be saying something else. Although you want to do the right thing, and say the right thing, some parents feel conflicted and anxious about what their child has just revealed. Among the feelings you may experience are:
- Anxiety
- Pride
- Nervousness
- Disappointment
- Sadness
- Embarrassment
- Surprised
- Worried
- Unsure what you feel
You may find it difficult to “own” your feelings, perhaps you thought you would react differently. That is very normal, but it is important not only to know how you feel but why you feel it. It may be helpful to talk with a trusted friend. You may be surprised at how supportive he or she might be. A reliable resource may be a professional counselor, comfortable and knowledgeable about the topic of sexual orientation. The local chapter of PFlag (Parents, Friends of Lesbians and Gays) is a support network that can be useful. Their website address is https://pflag.org/needsupport.
