Ever wish, just once, we could sneak by without the holidays? When we are processing a significant personal loss, it does not feel like “the most wonderful time of the year.” Here are some tips to help you navigate what can be a difficult season for many of us.
- Prepare yourself – In other words, rather than creating more anxiety through fear of what is to come, prepare now, by knowing the days ahead will be difficult ones.
- Accept the feelings – Accept your heightened emotions. In other words, allow yourself to be wherever you are with your emotions. Feelings such as sadness, anger, anxiety, hopelessness, jealousy, loneliness are often heightened during the holiday season.
- Accept your limitations – Stay away from self judgement and self-criticism. This is a time when your energy is limited and you’re feeling vulnerable. Try not to compare your present mood to how you have felt during past holidays.
- Do not isolate yourself – Loving yourself means doing what will help you. Sometimes it is difficult to know what to do. Usually in times like these, it is best to get up and socialize even though we would rather stay put. Choose wisely, sometimes crowds can make us feel more alone.
- Be honest with yourself, you deserve it. – Loving ourselves does not always mean doing the easy thing. Loving ourselves includes doing what is best, even when it’s not easy. Think beyond the next couple of hours.
- Set healthy boundaries – Setting healthy boundaries does not mean walling off others from your personal pain or separating from family or friends. Setting healthy boundaries means deciding what is good for you and responding accordingly. Make sure what you are doing is self-affirming.
- Decorate if possible – If friends send holiday greetings, display them. They are reminders of the love and support available to you, especially during the days ahead.
- Choose holiday movies carefully – Watch light-hearted movies that can boost your spirits without reminding you of what the loss you are feeling.
- Memorialization – Consider creating a unique way to remember with gratitude the loved one whom you are missing. An annual memorial donation to a charity, or to someone in need is a helpful way to acknowledge your loss annually. Another way is to start a tradition of inviting special friends or family for a lighthearted special meal and remembering your loved one in a joyful way.
Rely on the ‘‘5Cs” of Communication:
- Connection – When possible, communicate frequently with friends and stay connected to familiar things that offer comfort.
- Confide – When you want to complain, communicate privately with someone with whom you can be yourself.
- Chose close family members wisely – When possible, communicate with family who know your situation, preferably, someone who empathizes and understands.
- Clergy – For people of faith, a holiday of religious promise and joy cause some to question beliefs. Communicating with supportive Clergy can be helpful.
- Counselor – Grieving is normal, natural, and necessary and yet at times we can feel overwhelmed and lost. Communicating with a trained counselor either individually or in a support group can often help us sort out our emotions.
